A maniac's second attempt at a fic
by threelightsgirl
Summary: Crystal tries once again to write a fan fic, once again messing up totally. When Crystal gets distracted, the characters take fic-writing into their own hands, and the results are quite hilarious. ^_^


A Maniac's Second attempt at a fic  
  
Author's Notes: Um, this is the sequel to "A maniac's first attempt at a fic", but you don't have to read that to understand this. In fact, unless you are a Sailor Moon fan, 'First attempt' will not make any sense to you. By the way, Seiya, Taiki, and Yaten are anime characters from Sailor Moon that can change from girls into guys and vice versa, who were the victims of 'first attempt.' Crystal (the maniac author) is me, and Alina (Star Wars freak) is my best bud. ^_^ Oh yes, and a sweatdrop is like when those little anime characters get those teardrops on their heads when they're embarrassed or exasperated or something. Now read on!  
  
  
Crystal: ::leaning over her keyboard, typing::  
Seiya: Oh NO!!! She's writing another fic!!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!!  
Crystal: Sshhh! I'm trying to concentrate. And you're not gonna be in it anyway, this is a Harry Potter fan fic.  
Yaten: We're not gonna be in it? YAAAAYYYY!!!!!! THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL!!!!  
Seiya: YES YES YES!!!!!  
Taiki: Phew.  
Crystal: ::glares at the three, then snaps her fingers and they disappear::  
Alina: ::teleports into the room:: This fic had better be better than the first one. And since I like Harry Potter books, I'll be reading over your shoulder to make sure you don't _totally_ ruin it.   
Crystal: ::grumbles:: Hmph.  
Alina: So, what's the plot for this fic? Er, there is a plot this time, right?  
Crystal: One thing at a time… I'm not quite there yet… first I need some characters… ::snaps fingers and makes Harry, Hermione, and Ron appear::  
Harry: Huh? Where are we?  
Crystal: You are in ::drumroll:: MY FIC!!! ::trumpets blare::  
Ron: ::covering hands with ears:: Blimely, that was loud…  
Crystal: RON!!!!!! ::glomps Ron with the Hug of Doom ™::  
Ron: ::suffocating::  
Hermione: Hey! Whoever you are! Stop that! You're killing him!  
Crystal: But I LLOOOVVEEEE Ron!!! He's SOOOOO cool!!  
Ron: ::turning blue::  
Alina: Crystal, there's not going to BE a Ron if you don't let him breathe soon.  
Crystal: Oh yeah. ::lets go::  
Ron: ::gasping for air::  
Harry: Who are you, exactly?  
Crystal: I am Crystal! The author of this fanfic!  
Hermione: Er, that's nice… Um, you could start with the actual writing of the fic… anytime now…  
Crystal: I'm on it!! ::goes to keyboard::  
  
Hermione ran her fingers though the silky hair of her lover, kissing him deeply. "Oh Draco…"  
  
Everyone except Crystal: WWWHHHHAAAATTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ::Hermione glares bloody daggers at her::  
Crystal: ::cowering:: I was joking, just joking!! Eheh…  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood encircled by a ring of Death Eaters, when they suddenly parted to let a tall skeletal figure into the ring, whose face was chalk-white and resembled that of a snake, with only red slits for eyes. "Harry Potter. My, I have waited quite a long time for this," said Vold  
  
Ron: DON'T SAY THE NAME!!!!!  
Crystal: Why not?  
Ron: Just… BECAUSE!  
Hermione: ::sighs:: Crystal, you can't just start a fic right in the middle of the story. You need a beginning first you know.  
Crystal: Oh yeah… a beginning… I'll try that.  
  
"Ron! Hermione!" Harry said happily, greeting his friends at King's Cross, Platform 9 ¾. It had been a long hard summer with the Dursleys' as usual, and he was itching to get back to Hogwarts. You-know-who had risen again, true, but he felt safe going back to Hogwarts, where Dumbledore was. The headmaster was, you know, the only person You-Know-Who was really afraid of.  
  
Alina: That's not really true you know.  
Hermione: It isn't?  
Alina: Nope. There are actually two people that Voldemort - ::Ron winces:: - is afraid of.  
Harry: Who's the other?  
Tom Riddle: ::bursts into the room:: Now I have you Potter!!!! BWUHAHA- ::stops in mid-cackle when he sees Crystal:: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! ::takes off running::  
Crystal: ::chasing Voldemort:: VOLDIE!!!!!! MY LOVE!!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!  
Tom Riddle: NOOO!!!!! ACCCKK!!!!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!  
Crystal: Don't be silly, I'm the author, nothing happens here unless I say it does! You curses won't work on me Voldie!! ::giggles::  
Tom: DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!!!!!  
Crystal: But I LOVE you Voldie!!! ::strangles Tom in a hug::  
Tom: ::struggling to free himself from Crystal's grasp:: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!  
Alina, Harry, Hermione, and Ron: ::trying to stifle giggles::  
Tom: IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!! HHEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!  
Ron: Well, since Crystal seems busy right now, I'll just taking over the writing for a sec… ::evil grin::  
  
Draco Malfoy sipped his pumpkin juice while talking with Crabbe and Goyle, flashing menacing looks over to the Griffindor table. Suddenly, he dropped his goblet and started jerking wildly, then fell to the floor.  
"He's dead!" Pansy Parkinson shrieked. Ron pretended to look surprised at Malfoy's sudden death, and took care not reveal the empty bottle of poison in his pocket, while he exchanged secret smiles with Harry and Hermione.  
  
Ron: Bwuahahahahaha!!! That'll teach him to make fun of me and my friends!!!  
Harry: All right Ron! ::gives Ron a high five::  
Hermione: ::trying to hide her amusement:: Ron! That wasn't very nice! Killing off a major character and all… And Harry! Encouraging him!!  
Harry: Hey, it's all in the name of good fun. Let me have a go Ron, I wanna try this fic-writing thing…  
  
"More bacon sweetums?" Aunt Petunia chirped one fine October morning to her round son, Dudley. Dudley nodded eagerly and wolfed down the rest of the pan. He had gotten kicked out of Smeltings because of his low grades, so Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had taken him off the diet to make him feel better and enrolled him at Stonewall High. But as that last slice of bacon slid down Dudley's chubby little throat, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. The last little narrow part of Dudley's arteries clogged up, and he keeled over from a heart attack and died on the spot.  
Aunt Petunia had a heart attack herself, from shock and grief, and the loss of the only family members Uncle Vernon had left drove him insane and he ended up in the asylum for the rest of his life. Aunt Marge got struck by lightening, and all the Dursley's possessions were given to Harry Potter, their last living relative.  
  
Harry: I could get used to this fic-writing thing!  
Tom Riddle: ::manages to escape Crystal's hold and tries to make a break for it::   
Crystal: ::clings on to Tom's ankle:: I'll never let go Jack!!!!!  
Tom Riddle: My name's not Jack! AND LET GO!!!! ::frantically tries to shake Crystal off::  
Everyone else: ::snicker::  
Ron: Want to give this fic-writing thing a try Hermione? It's awfully fun.  
Hermione: Sure! ::takes quill and begins to write::  
  
Summer was coming to an end, and the Daily Prophet was beginning to wonder where Rita Skeeter had gone to.   
"Alright," Hermione said, unscrewing the jar which held the beetle-women, "I'm letting you go now, but if you EVER write another horrible story again, I WILL report you to the Improper Use of Magic Department, is that clear?" The bug nodded her head and scuttled off onto the sidewalk. Suddenly a troop of joggers came by.  
*SPLAT*  
  
Ron and Harry: Hahahaha!!  
Ron: Good one Hermione! I didn't know you had it in you!  
Hermione: Hey, I can be just as mischievous as you two when I want!  
Tom: ::banging Crystal over the head with a chair:: LET GO, LET GO!!!!!  
Crystal: ::suddenly lets go and leaps up:: I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!  
Tom: ::falls over from the sudden lack of Crystal dragging him back:: ::gets up and runs for it::  
Crystal: ::evil grin:: Move over guys, I need the keyboard. ::the three reluctantly move::  
Ron: Aw, and we were having such a good time…  
  
"I love you Crystal!" Lord Voldemort proclaimed.  
"I love you too Voldie!" Crystal chirped. "Let's get married!!"  
"Okay!"  
And so the two were wed, and they opened a smoothie shop in Shanghai and lived happily ever after.  
  
Tom: WWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
Everyone else: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
Hermione: And so falls the great Lord Voldemort… haha!!!  
Alina: ::getting up from laughing on the floor:: Well, now that Crystal has babbled for three pages and we're all, ::sees Tom:: er, well, most of us are laughing, I think now would be a good time for…  
  
THE END   
  
Tom: WAIT!!! ::tears down the "The End" sign:: YOU CAN'T LET IT END THIS WAY!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!!!  
Crystal: Oh yes I can Voldie-kun! ::huggles::  
Tom: GET OFF!!!!! THIS IS INSANE!!!!! I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!!! I WANT TO TALK TO MY LAWYERS!!!!!  
Alina: ::sweatdrops and pulls a new "The End" sign back in::  
  
THE REAL END.  
  
Crystal: ::starts singing, and doing a surprisingly good Eminem impression:: I'm the real end, yes I'm the real end, and all you other ends are just imitating!  
Harry, Ron, and Hemione: ::blink::  
Tom: ::sweatdrop::  
Alina: ::glares::  
Crystal: Er… nevermind… ::goes back to hugging Voldemort::  
Alina: ::rolls eyes and pulls new 'The end' sign in::  
  
THE VERY END, AND THIS TIME WE'RE NOT JOKING.  
  
Hermione: Did this fic have a plot at all?  
Alina: NO!!! AND WILL YOU KINDLY STOP INTERRUPTING AND LET THIS FIC END ALREADY?!?!?!?!  
Everyone else, including Tom and Crystal: Eep.  
Alina: ::pulls in another 'the end' sign::  
  
THIS HAD BETTER BE   
THE END  
  
  
More Author's notes: So how'd you like it? Pointless, ne? ^_^ This is my first attempt at writing Harry Potter, so it might not be so good… Review? Please? I'll give you a cookie! Er… well, actually, I won't, but review anyway! Please?  
Alina: AAAARRRRGGG!!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS THE END ALREADY!!!!!!  
Crystal: Eek! ::saves fic and uploads it to ff.net:: Alright, alright, it's the end, it's the end! Review now people!!   



End file.
